Are You Okay?
I’m fine, okay, alright, better.
I’m anything positive that my mind can come up with when someone asks “are you okay?”
Trying to say the words so that the person in front of me,
piercing their eyes in my soul,
“I’m fine,” I say,
but they still stare as if knowing that underneath the thin layer of my skin, my face screams for “help”.
“I’m okay,” I say,
but they still stare as if knowing that the things that haunt me are still lingering on the cliff of my mind eagerly waiting to throw me over.
“I’m alright,” I say,
but they still stare as if knowing that the word “alright” means that nothing is ever “alright” and that every time I’m left alone the world is a much darker place than it was before the question was ever asked.
“I’m better,” I say,
but they still stare as if knowing that I will never be better.
I will never be better……
I will never be better……..
They sound familiar……..
I recognize them but it’s like trying to grasp air with your bare hands.
You feel it but when you try to hold onto it,
it slips right past you.
Where do I know those words……?
I will never be better………
Why is it when the question is asked, “are you okay?”,
those words occupy a portion of my brain in which I can’t pinpoint?
“Are you Okay?”……….
“I will never be better”…………
The two phrases circle around each other as if they dread to ever meet.
“Are you better?”….
“I will never be okay”……….
Everything starts getting mixed up.
“Are you fine?”
“Are you okay?”
“Are you alright?”
“Are you better?”
There are so many voices…..
Too many voices……..
Do they realize that it’s too loud in my head to understand the questions they insist on me answering every time they see the thin layer of my skin saying that “I’m fine, I’m okay, I’m alright, I’m better?”?
“Are you okay?”
They insist again.
“I will never be okay.”
“I will never be fine.”
“I will never be alright.”
“I will never be better.”