You Got This

I decided to clean my room today. Yes, this is blog-worthy news.

I sat down on my bed and decided to show my sister-in-law my new journal, which led me to showing her why my old one didn’t work, which led me to showing her my past journaling attempts, which led me to looking through and reading every piece of poetry I had in my bag of memories (If you move enough times you learn to consolidate stuff well). Obviously, I didn’t want to clean my room.

Anyway, I moved to Jordan for my last two years of high school, and I documented all of my bad memories. Every sad moment. And all my doodles when class was boring. I began reading through them and they were all fine- I mean I knew what I had written until I reached the last poem which was about two pages typed. All of the bad memories, and how hard what I went through was really hit me. I thought it was interesting that I went through the stuff that I did, because I could have never guessed it and I still can’t believe it. It was really weird because I simply couldn’t get out of it. When you go through something bad, you just stay away from it, right? Or at least you try. But I couldn’t. I still understand why I couldn’t but all of the reasons were so wrong.

I’m not writing about this because I want to share my feelings and make you feel super uncomfortable, but I want to share the lessons I learned.

First of all, you can ALWAYS get out of a bad situation. ALWAYS. I read this really interesting quote at someone’s office by Winston Churchill: “Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.” Churchill is right, but here’s a variation: LET GO of something if it hurts you everyday. You’re miserable, you’re not becoming better because of it, you’re not helping people or yourself grow and you’re not fulfilling your potential! Go do what you need to do!

Second of all, the experiences you go through change you in ways you could never even comprehend or imagine. I think it made me realize that while I love learning, science, painting, cooking, and so much more, I really wanted to be a social worker. I want to empower people. I want to help them become the best they can. I won’t leave my other dreams, and sometimes I may even abandon social work for them, but I don’t think I would have ever thought of Social Work.

Also, on that same point, the entire experience really messed me up for a year or two after, and I forced myself to go to therapy. (Note: I’m not embarrassed of this. I’m proud of it.) And I really went through the some of my issues. I changed the way I think. The way I viewed life. I gained a healthier way of looking at relationships and life in general. I became better, not perfect, but better. Better is good enough right now. I don’t think I would have ever improved in this way if it hadn’t been for that experience.

Third of all, I remember a lot of tears and moments of “I’m going to be miserable for the rest of my life,” and you know what? It’s three years later, and I’m not in that situation anymore. Just a reminder that if you’re going through something, don’t worry. As much as you feel like your heart will break, as much as you feel like you won’t be happy ever again, as much as you contemplate whether sadness is a constant part of life, you WILL get better. You will get out of that moment. You’ll have another day where the sun will shine. I recently watched Cast Away (AMAZING movie!), and at the end the guy talks about his experiences, and what kept him going:

“The only choice I had,
the only thing
I could control…
was when and how…
and where
that was gonna happen.
So… I made a rope.
And I went up to the summit
to hang myself.
But I had to test it,
you know?
Of course.
You know me.
And the weight of the log…
snapped the limb
of the tree.
So l-l–
I couldn’t even kill myself
the way I wanted to.
I had power over nothing.
And that’s when this feeling
came over me like a warm blanket.
I knew…
that I had to stay alive.
I had to keep breathing,
even though there was
no reason to hope.
And all my logic said that
I would never see this place again.
So that’s what I did.
I stayed alive.
I kept breathing.
And then one day
that logic was proven all wrong,
because the tide…
came in,
gave me a sail.
And now, here I am.
I’m back…
in Memphis, talking to you.
I have ice in my glass.
And I’ve lost her
all over again.
I’m so sad that
I don’t have Kelly.
But I’m so grateful that
she was with me on that island.
And I know
what I have to do now.
I gotta keep breathing.
Because tomorrow,
the sun will rise.
Who knows what the tide
could bring?”

And you know what the hard moments change us, they bring us closer to Allah subhana wa ta’ala- they are from Him- and He knows what’s good for us and what’s not, and they will END. Be patient. You got this. Have a wonderful week.

SPREAD HAPPINESS AND LOVE. Also, I may be slowly becoming a hippie. Maybe.